Online-Ordained Friend or Professional Officiant / Minister?
Blunt Warning: in NC, there are legal risks to using an online or mailorder ordained Clergy who is NOT authorized by their church. The risk is your marriage being invalidated by an NC judge IF someone tries to end a marriage quickly by reporting your officiant as mailorder or online ordained, therefore ALL other marriages by that clergy are invalidated too.
But couples risk that to have familiar comfort during a uniquely stressful event. So CAN you still have a warm, comfortable (and legal) ceremony with a hired professional? Oh yes! This article will address that point in a few minutes, read on.
- First, do you know what legally authorizes a person to officiate in NC or SC?
- Do you know what goes into public speaking, designing a ceremony and wording, or a rehearsal? IF your friend is a newbie at this its even tougher. To reframe this: would you hire a caterer who has never cooked before? Would you want your wedding to be their first time trying?
- Moreover, this lack puts your loved one in a high-pressure, complex, and legal position of VERY BIG responsibility and consequences if they fail … with only ONE shot at it.
- And you two won’t get this special moment back, either. This is a one-off situation.
Seven main reasons to interview and hire a seasoned, qualified, professional Officiant/Minister:
- NC court judges use a legal Precedent (set by case of Lynch vs. NC, 1980) which allow NC judges to invalidate any online or mailorder clergy ordination at any time… even years later! If your friend’s ordination is judged invalid, then your marriage is invalid. This causes you, your business, your property, your children and grandchildren very SERIOUS legal problems.
- In all 50 states, the location state of the ceremony has jurisdiction over the wedding, not your home state. In NC, only a judge or a church-authorized clergy is allowed to officiate a legal wedding.
- “Ordained” does NOT mean “legally authorized”. Many clergy don’t know this either: some clergy are NOT allowed to officiate weddings! Couples need to contact the leadership of that person’s church with three questions:
- Was she or he ordained in-person or no?
- Is that ordination current or expired?
- Is she or he authorized by that church to solemnize your marriage or no?
- What if your loved one says they are already a Clergy, are you uncomfortable with checking their legal credentials with other people? Most casual clergy don’t realize they aren’t authorized–like everyone else, they just assume and, finding out can be embarrassing and awkward.
- Also, are you two willing to feel vulnerable and weep in front of this person? Do you want to see him in 90% of your ceremony photos? Are you willing to risk your wedding, your happiness, you’re your friendship if you don’t agree on important wording? And IF they tank at your wedding and ruin it, are you willing to risk your friendship, or forgive the loss of your ONE shot at your dream wedding?
- Officiating well also requires dozens of special personal skills. Which skills are you willing to forfeit when an amateur overlooks them?
- knows the minimum legal requirements
- knows ceremony and rehearsal logistics,
- is reliable, on time consistently,
- enjoys public speaking, pleasant voice, good eye-contact, voice projection without yelling,
- patient, calm and flexible during sudden changes or surprises,
- controls stress habits (twitching, scratching, smoking, drinking, winking, waving hands around),
- wears appropriate attire, hairdo, neat and clean,
- be 100% sober and respectful to you,
- speech writing skills: understands co-writing vows to YOUR taste not his.
- Why set up someone you love (and yourself) for disastrous failure? The consequences are high with legal issues. Why not let them enjoy being an honored guest instead? Or a Poem Reader, MOH or Best Man, Toastmaster or Dinner Blessing, or all of those?
There are better, safer Clergy options that feel familiar and comfortable, too. A seasoned, trained, authorized Officiant knows what works, what won’t, and will let YOU choose. Moreover, if you don’t want a ‘stranger’ officiating, or you want more control over the vows, you can have that easily:
- Ask your other wedding vendors for warm, personable reputable recommendations.
- Ask married family and friends if they liked their Officiant, specifically why or why not?
- Search reputable wedding websites with vendor listings. This can be VERY FUN! Read the reviews of the 4 and 5-star ones. In the photos do they look, read and “feel” good to you?
Your ceremony is what your wedding day is all about. We recommend you:
- Contact 3 of the best. Ask for a phone interview or meet you for coffee.
- Trust your instincts: how flexible is she? Is he enthusiastic? Notice reactions to your wishes and ideas.
- Speak openly about what you do and don’t want, listen to their questions. Don’t worry if a clergyperson doesn’t share your beliefs … you won’t hire that one. (say “Thank you for your time, but we are going in another direction.”)
- Do you like how she or he talks? How he looks (he’ll be in half the photos)? Does that person seem to like you?
- When you find 1 or 2 favorites, ask for the contact info to the leaders of their churches to confirm their ordination and authorization. If they don’t comply, then smile, say that “thank you… another direction.” speech. Regardless of charm, if they aren’t authorized, you risk your marriage not being legal.
Find a warm, friendly, experienced Officiant who is on your wavelength and their church leaders confirm, and he or she is HAPPY for you. You deserve that!
